HURT: A Poem/Spoken Word

Did I Hurt you

When I said no more?

Because it Hurt me, too

That you didn’t tell me 

Before

How nice it could feel

For me to be yours


You showed up

With no warning

Barely a morning’s

Breath 

After I left

And you tell me

That I’m what you want


And those words 

Made me feel so good

Made me feel worth

Something

When for so long

I was worth 

Nothing

To you

Or so I thought

Because there you were

Wanting me to 

Leap with you


Am I worth

The Hurt

That will come from that Leap?

I have to tell myself

No

I am worth

More

I shouldn’t have to bleed

To feel loved

Loving should not

Hurt


Your green eyes

Stare at me hard

Honest

I haven’t seen them

Ever like this

It’s almost as if

I can trust

That stare

And those words

And I run my hands through your hair

And I believe you


And for the first time

You are genuine

And true

And in love


And for the first time

It doesn’t matter

Because for the first time

I can’t be blind

To the Hurt


There is someone else

And he is soft

And he is kind

And he is enamored with my mind

Not my breasts

And the rest 

Doesn’t matter

Because even if you had my heart

He can love me better


Did that Hurt?

It hurts me too

Because for now

Even though I want him

And I choose him

Every now and then

I’m still thinking about you


ALL OF MY HAPPY: A Poem/Spoken Word

I was born with all of my happy

Radiating out of my cheeks

In rosy roundness

Aunts and uncles, grandparents

Would kiss them

And I would beam

And I would glow

And I would relish in all of my happy


When I got older

And I would scrape a knee

Or lose a battle

My happy would rattle

And roll off of me

But I was always so sure to go back

To collect all of my happy

Back up into my fingertips

And taste it

Like ice cream

My happy is so delicious


And older still I grew

Losing and picking up

My happy all the time

Until I met you

And I don’t know why

But you became my happy


I poured all of my happy 

Into your cupped hands

And then

When I wasn’t looking

You spread your fingers

And watched all of my happy 

Spill onto the floor

Every. Single. Bit.


And I had been warned

Not to trust someone else’s hands

With all of my happy

My happy is too fragile

Too important

To be tainted

And yet I painted the inside walls of my eyes

With your laugh

And for that

I traded you for

All of my happy


I pumped all of my happy

Into colorful balloons

And gifted them to you

With the naivety

Of pure, innocent love

And I saw you laugh

With that laugh I admire

As you let go

And watched all of my happy

Float up into the clouds, streaming across the big blue

Like they were nothing more than ordinary Party City balloons


My happy does not belong to you

Anymore


It’s taken me

So. Long.

To pick up

All of my happy

From the floor

To pluck all of my happy

From the sky

To paint over your laugh

That has marked the inside of my mind

And I have realized

Now that I have gathered back up

All of my happy

That it is worth more

Than a lifetime

Of your laughs